18 May 2017

Badmotorfinger: The Passing of Chris Cornell

Today Chris was lost to suicide, in 1991 he helped save me from mine.

Grunge. It happened in the early 90's just after I'd relocated to a small town outside of Boston from Southern California. I was not in a good place mentally. I wanted to die and frequently called the Suicide Helpline from the back of YM (magazine) to either sit in silence or hang up on them. It was an 800 number so there would be no charge to alert my parents.

I didn't know what I was feeling. There were just so many emotions. I hated being alive, though.

My old music reminded me of home and I thought the stuff they played on the east coast was lame. But then grunge began to filter in. It was angry and raw. I didn't know the lyrics by heart but the music and growling words fed my soul.

Today Chris Cornell hung himself.

I drifted away from Soundgarden's music over the years but they hold a place in my heart.

I remember that by the time Stone Temple Pilots came onto the scene I'd met a Florida girl in high school and we bonded over everything, not just lack of sunlight. She found a flyer to a dingy pink graffiti clothing dive that we'd save our allowance to visit. Three dollar flannels while the polo crew at school wore GAP's fashion rip offs and we'd roll our eyes. That's what you do when you're 15.

She saved me, too, but that's a story for another day.

Music has been the net to contain my chaos. When I turn it on everything settles down and I can function productively.

Today will be my 3rd year, 1 month, fifth day of hooping in a row.
Today will be outshined.

Thank you for everything, Chris.

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