19 August 2014

"...tell these people something they don't know about me."

"I know everything [he's] got to say against me."

what kind of writer would i be
if i didn't touch on bad poetry?
yeah, it's been a while 
but that doesn't mean i won't...

here's what you think
you think i've got something to hide
but you're wrong
i wear my inside out

so back me in a corner
with threats
of blackmail and 
other classy acts

all because i got details of
how you killed your dogs wrong

so you tried to find a home
but you still put 'em down
and now they'll never get up

not really...
to quote you
invoke you
why would i try to provoke you?

i don't like you
i don't care
and guess what?
i don't scare

not anymore

so go ahead and tell the world
what you think might break me
because really, there's nothing
i'll bare it all
share it all
wear it all on my sleeve 
tattooed and totally exposed

because secrets are power 
and you've got nothing on me

13 August 2014

SEPTA and CHOP: the weekly nightmare

Wouldn't it be nice if people made room for children with special needs on the public transit system? Do I really need to explain my son's issues when we're getting on at the children's hospital stop or shouldn't adults be more aware. Chances are if you ride that bus you know it goes past all the hospitals - children, injured, veterans, we don't wear signs: should we?

What if people were thoughtful instead? If there is a three year old having panic attacks because the bus or trolley is swaying, DON'T STARE. Just get up and offer your seat. I don't need one (but I will thank the elderly woman who offered me her seat as well last week when she saw my son was scared without me as close as possible).

Where have manners gone?

Why haven't the drivers been taught to acknowledge children getting on and off their routes? Why don't they speak up? Society is trying to raise awareness for special needs but is that confined to one day? One awareness month? a ribbon or puzzle piece?

Hello, I am a special needs mom.
It took me a long time to be able to say that. It hurts.

But on the flip side I'm teaching him compassion and awareness of others.

Eyes wide open, people. It's much easier than it sounds.

It's hard enough that I have to take my son to and from CHOP (Children's Hospital of Philadelphia) weekly...help special families out.

08 August 2014

Happy One Year and One Day, Cat.

I'm sure you're familiar with my published quotes on how to celebrate your dog's birthday but I haven't shared anything on how to celebrate your cat. First, you probably don't know when your kitten was born so pick a day, any day, they won't care. I chose the day we adopted Stormborn, but then it turned out it was the day after I thought. She didn't even notice! See? all good.

I hung some streamers for her to bat around. Success.

We baked a pink flower birthday cake and had a pizza party. My friend Lirpa brought her presents: treats and a robotic bug. Stormborn was into it. Then she fell asleep under furniture and we partied on.

Nighttime came and Tristan remembered we celebrate occasions by having a Unicorn Dance Party so we plugged in and left the cat at home while we danced in her honor. Bubbles, stuffed unicorns, light up hula hoop and all.

Cheers, Stormborn. You've come a long way since 8 oz one year ago. I used to mistake you for a cockroach, now I sometimes think you're an overgrown city rat.

05 August 2014

Secret Shopper Review: Dainty Fox Sunglasses

It's been a while but I'm back in style for another Secret Shopper Review! This is where I visit handmade shops and pretend I'm a customer (under the guise of an actual customer - terribly clever, I know) and then tell you about it. Honestly.

Since I've only done indie polish reviews in the past I decided to shake it up with SUNGLASSES! and I have some other handmade shops on my list so...beware!

Dainty Fox is actually a friend. Haha - zap! Bet she didn't see this coming. How friends treat friends during a business transaction says a lot. She'd been a client of mine in the past and I poured my heart and soul into the pieces I made her. What would it be like on the other end?


She is a doll and I was able to take a snapshot of a couple pairs of sunglasses I wear most often and boom, she knew the shape I meant and had a pair on hand. I am a very, very nervous sunglasses shopper! I can look quite awkward in them. Not cute-awkward, either.

I also get migraines when it's too bright so I always need a pair with me.

Here were my instructions: flowers, sparkly things, in a teal-ish turquoise blue, you know. Uhh not sure if more rhinestones or metal studs, you decide. Not Elton-flashy. More Lady Kier.

...and that's what I got! Quickly, too! I was super impressed. Quality, speed, and TLC. Oh, and this might sound silly but I was afraid my hair would get caught in the bedazzle but nope. Completely delighted with them!

Find Dainty Fox on her Facebook page or website where she also makes the cutest phone cases I've never seen anywhere else!
My seafoam sunnies: less Elton, more Kier (Deee-lite)

Please note the rhinestones mounted upon rhinestones - love the details!

Read past secret shopper reviews:

03 August 2014

The Elimination Factor

I suffer from a severe anxiety disorder. It isn't going anywhere so I'm learning to cope with it; coexist.

What does this mean to me? Well, I take my meds like a good girl. When I start feeling better I'll admit they're working and I'm not cured. I have made that mistake half a dozen times. How 101, right? I feel better now! Guess I don't need meds....it was magic!

Even with this crutch I can have anxiety attacks for hours. It feels like my chest is caving in, my heart is racing, I can't get enough air. I tremble. My mind isn't distracted by much for long, not even sleep. I'll just have nightmares about what's stressing me out.

It's a downward spiral into the center of the earth.

What's a girl to do? Eliminate. Zap whatever brings you more stress than joy. It's extremely successful once you get the knack of it. Turn your stressors into static.

I'm not sorry. I have to. If something has changed where you've affected my mind, body, and unconscious brainwave terrain it's time for you to go. You or that pile of junk in the corner that is out of control or the messy pile of papers that need to be filed - it's all the same.

I won't be bullied.
I won't be picked on.
My feelings will not be discredited.

You'll be gone...
and I'll replace my shaking with positive energy.

Get rid of static.
It's only taking up space where joy should live.

Adults should know better...unfortunately they don't always. Don't fool yourself into thinking bullying stops after graduation.

28 July 2014

Pretty Polish & Pendants

Nails and photography all done by Cheyenne of CDBNails143, pendants by me! Urban Flowerpot Designs

I really wanted to share these photos because they came out beautifully! My friend Cheyenne sent me a bunch of glitter that she uses in her indie nail polish line, CDB Lacquer, and I embedded them into my resin glitterbomb dots. I've always done my own mixes so this was a switcheroo custom request - she wanted them to match her polishes. They're one of my favorite things to make. Simple, delicate, and sparkly. Even if they aren't tipping over with glitter all the time; sometimes less is more.

Polishes by CDB Lacquer - Pendants by Urban Flowerpot Designs

There are a couple themes I have in the works because I know it's hard to decide on a color combination and often people prefer to select something already put together. Most of my resin work is custom so we'll see how this goes! In the works are 80's movie themed dots and coming this Halloween-time: slasher flicks!

I'm pretty excited! I welcome any suggestions for future themes either for yourself or as a collection idea. Want me to interpret Saved by the Bell in glitter? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Smurfs, Popples, or  Audrey Hepburn? a field of poppies? Keep thinking outside the box and I'll make it happen...in glitter.

Special thanks to Cheyenne for letting me use her beautiful images. Please be sure to visit her personal blog where she shares lots of fabulous photos and reviews on other indie nail polishes.

Visit Urban Flowerpot Designs for all my little pretties. <3

20 July 2014

Picking Up My Marbles

The reversible marble pendant I made my Marble.

There's this girl I know. We'll call her Marble. In September we will have been friends for precisely 20 years. I could tell you about the days when she'd tie scarves from every limb and use her dorm lamp to do a Steven Tyler act...or that time she got married and divorced while I took a semester off then hunted down my number to tell me. How she helped me get my first apartment or how we'd roll things across the floor in her crooked one (that was behind mine one street over). She had a cat that would jump on your face and tear your eyes out and a collage of herself as mother earth. The trouble we got into, the adventures we've had and that time we almost floated away in the Berkshires. Perhaps I will sometime.

Those were the days when we were young but didn't think so. She graduated and moved across the country to climb some rocks, ski, kayak, backpack around the world and kept making her fuzzy smoothies (don't choke on the seeds) while perusing a career in counseling. I stayed in Cambridge, taught preschool and danced every chance I had. I never feel so alive as I do when I'm lost in my head dancing. Then I took off to save the animal kingdom, moved across the country and back. I met my husband and we had our boy. That story is contained within this blog.

With Marble she always had something poignant to say no matter what was going on. Even in the Berkshires, "We could die." Yeah, we could have. When I taught inner city preschoolers she counseled at a home for boys: "It's like you're training them for me when they get older." Touche.

But over the last few years she's given me three solid pieces of advice:

  • If you can't look at the bigger picture, don't. If thinking about where you'll be in five years is overwhelming, think about next year. If that's too much, think about tomorrow...and it's OK to just think about what's going to happen next in the moment.
  • Build a box in your mind. Put everything that you don't like in the box and close the lid. 
  • If you think the same thought twice over you're already meditating.

That last one was included in her last visit and I have thought about it more than twice. More than a dozen dozen times. She said it to me while we were hooping...because I hoop for the calmness it brings. It's meditating, I know that, but I can't stand that word. Crafting is meditation, too.

What I've realized after becoming more thoughtful of my thoughts is that I hold onto a lot of toxic things. I repeat them over and over in my mind. I put them in the bedazzled coffin (that is the box I built in my head) but they pop out to haunt me. I've been a bad person at times. I've been cruel and mean. I've hurt people I loved. I made choices driven by my heart and not my brain...who's to say which one was right.

But I'm sorry.
I'm sorry if I hurt you.

However, it wasn't ever all my fault. So I'm not taking the blame anymore. I have heaped piles of guilt and regret and remorse on myself...but you know what? Those things were done to me, too. I wasn't the only one involved. It made me mad when I realized how often I meditate on mistakes. Do they? Probably not, or maybe they do. But now I catch them and put them in the coffin-box no matter how many times it takes.

I'm sorry I kicked you out of my apartment...you were a great roommate but you had a drinking problem. You let strangers into our home.

I'm sorry I called the police to take away your pile of meth and CPS came to monitor your child but they needed to...and you were addicted. There should never be meth in the house.

I'm sorry I was mean, but you were mean too. I don't know how it ended up like that.

I'm sorry I got tired of your oddities but I couldn't concentrate after you told me you killed your dogs and then lied to everyone saying they drank anti-freeze. WHO DOES THAT?! I could never talk to you seriously without that confession screaming in my brain.

I'm sorry I didn't pay attention in math class. It turned out to be my favorite subject. You were right.

I'm sorry I don't eat what you want me to - you don't act the way I'd like you to. Coexist means just that so why do you have a bumper sticker telling the world what you cannot do?

I might have big, gaping wide, warped holes and flaws...but I'm human. We all do, and I'm tired of meditating on how sorry I am for whatever you accused me of. Even if it was accurate at the time, there was plenty you messed up. I have acknowledged my part and will be letting it go.

Oh, and that time you told me you felt bad when my house burned down and you wanted to help but saw that other people were helping me so you called for my cats a few times in the neighborhood? I think that was wretched. If you were a good person you would have helped, even anonymously. ...but you killed your dogs.

I'm glad that I am sensitive, but it is also a huge flaw. I couldn't be more sorry for those things and more...but it's done. Stop invading my brain. If you didn't believe me that was your flaw...

So thanks for the advice, Marble. I think you and I have been honest with each other all of our friendship even if there were moments of discomfort. We both acknowledged our own messes and tended our gardens in different ways. I don't feel bad when I think about you or stupid stuff from the past. It's all good.

Never let anyone dull your sparkle.

Maybe flowers really do speak to us in their own language but are so quiet we can't hear them...

I'll ponder that some more while I'm meditating about [not] meditating.